Injuries & Illnesses, Both Real & Imagined (Mostly Imagined. Ok. All Imagined.)


October 12, 2015 by kmwelden

I’m running a marathon in six days. This means I’ve been tapering for a couple weeks now, which for those of you non-runners, (God bless your sweet, sweet souls—stay blissfully ignorant forever) means I’ve been reducing my miles pretty dramatically to feel fresh on race day.

One (completely scientifically proven) side effect of tapering, though, is mental instability. Runner’s World is a scientific source, right?

In the last few weeks, my brain and body have been working overtime to create a litany of ailments and illnesses that I have/could have/will definitely have before I get a chance to run this damn marathon.

For example, yesterday afternoon, I began to feel like I was having difficulty swallowing. Aside from the obvious medical diagnosis (cancer of the throat), I immediately jumped to strep throat.

Since then, I have boiled my toothbrush (Do normal people do that? That’s what my parents always did when we were sick, because I guess spending an extra $3 on a toothbrush is just out of the budget), washed all of my bedding (a miracle in and of itself), Cloroxed everything, and actually purchased a new toothbrush, because you really can’t put a price on peace of mind.

Other real or imagined things that my body has wrong with it currently or will have wrong with it before Sunday:

  • Stress fracture. Don’t actually even know what a stress fracture is, but it could very well be happening to me with every creak in my bones.
  • Shin splints. I did have shin splints like ten years ago when I ran cross country. It quickly developed into a unhealthy Advil dependence, at least 12 a day, fully sanctioned by my mother. She suggests four Advil for everything, which I didn’t realize was an alarming amount until pretty recently.
  • Strep throat.
  • The flu. I coughed up some green stuff today. It is probably the flu.
  • Dehydration, depite the gallons of water I drink every day.
  • Mono. I feel tired. It has nothing to do with waking up several times a night in the midst of stress dreams.
  • The plague. I work in elementary schools. The plague is everywhere. A child tried to hand me an Expo marker they coughed on today, and I literally batted it away from my person.

Basically, I will be really happy when this is over, and I can resume my normal ways of ignoring my body’s needs. Other things I can no longer do: wear heels (snapped ankles!), eat chicken (food poisoning!), or hold a conversation with anyone that I don’t circle back to the marathon (I’m sorry!).

Anyway, I hope this blog post finds you in better health than I am. Wish me luck!


2 thoughts on “Injuries & Illnesses, Both Real & Imagined (Mostly Imagined. Ok. All Imagined.)

  1. RK says:

    Please refer to “On Running”, March 22, 2013. Tee hee.
    Love you, Kaitlyn. Where is your marathon being held? BTW, your Aunt Katie is doing a half this month. She is rocking the running thing.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Dear Denver

I've been thinking so much about you...

Fatty McCupcakes

Rants, Ramblings, and Regrets

Essa On Everything

***Warning: Posts on this site may be factually incorrect, delusional, mean spirited...or all of the above

Erin Lyon

Writer, Lawyer, Connoisseur of Poor Decision-Making.

Fisticuffs and Shenanigans

It was all fun and games, until the fisticuffs and shenanigans... -Deutschmarc


Spawned by my trip to Iceland, this is a little window into how (and why) I do what I do

That's What She Read

Hear what She has to say about the latest books

we travel, some of us forever.

hard-wired for travel

City Year Denver

give a year. change the world.

Some Clever or Witty Title

I grew up riding the short bus and lived to tell the tale.

Taking the Lilongwe

wanderings in the warm heart of africa

Adventures in Denver and Beyond

Celebrating Denver, Colorado and the world beyond!

Curious Eater, Wholesome Cook

Queen of the Food Age

Exploring the world one bite at a time...

Mister G Kids

A daily comic about real stuff little kids say in school. By Matt Gajdoš

Englishman in Italy

An Englishman, his Sicilian wife and an Italian / English Dictionary

%d bloggers like this: