I Invited My Boyfriend To A Family Function. Spoilers: This Is A Misleading Title.


August 29, 2015 by kmwelden

Guys. I signed up for a marathon.

(Cue the dramatic gasp from the crowd.)

I’ve actually been training for one for a few months now, but decided that I wouldn’t make it official until after I finished my 16-miler (today!).

For me, training for a marathon has been like some sort of newish relationship. First, you’re not really sure that you should tell anyone about it in the first place, because it could be super short-lived or end badly. But then you get invited to a family member’s wedding, and you want to invite him, but you don’t want to jinx a good thing, so you wait until you’re 95% sure about him to extend the official invite… and then also start telling people about his existence.

That was a weird analogy. Forget I said anything.

So, yeah, today I extended the official invite to the boyfriend officially signed up on the marathon website. Tomato, tomahto, amiright?

I realize this makes me a huge hypocrite for multiple reasons, most notably this thing I wrote that basically trashes running in all forms and only stops short of calling it humanity’s worst invention.

But I have slowly gotten sucked into the “health culture” in Colorado. Not like, all in, but like… sorta in. I did knock out an entire sleeve of birthday cake Oreos in one sitting the other day. Let’s not get any crazy assumptions about what type of person I am.

But marathon training is killing me slowly and the worst idea I’ve ever had in my 24 years on this earth super fun! I have definitely seen some big changes in myself. For example, I only have about 60% of my toenails right now. That’s fun! I’ve inexplicably started eating like one and a half containers of cottage cheese every week. I’m not sure if this can be scientifically linked to running, but I imagine there’s some sort of correlation. I attend a lot less happy hours, and attend a lot more This American Life hours. This means that instead of drinking beer with my friends, I listen to Ira Glass talk as I run around random parts of Denver and try not to publically cry during the sad bits. (I bought the TAL app, y’all. I spent $3 on it. This is serious.) So, you can definitely see–some big, sweeping, POSITIVE changes in my life, people.

Anyway, I’ll probably try to keep you all posted on this life development regarding the worst idea I’ve ever had. The marathon is October 18th in Denver. Let’s hope we can all keep our shit together until then.


6 thoughts on “I Invited My Boyfriend To A Family Function. Spoilers: This Is A Misleading Title.

  1. Aunt Katie says:

    Love love love your blog, Kait! Best wishes on your marathon training. Your mother helped me through mine, and we did an 18 miler near Huntington Beach. She gave me expired chocolate Goo at mile 10ish,and wasn’t sure I could make it (she was being nice about the Goo, she never used it anymore and had extra laying around). One things for sure, it’s s (insert the adjective you’re feeling) journey. One you’re not sure to forget. Enjoy.
    Love you.
    Aunt Katie
    Ps. Buy bigger shoes

    • kmwelden says:

      I forgot you trained with her! I’ve been calling her like 3x more often than normal since I started haha. I think it’ll be worth all of the work at the end. I’ll be back to normal in two months 😉

  2. Ah good luck!! Running a marathon sounds about as difficult as building stilts tall enough to touch the moon, fighting off a moon-monster with a paperclip ,and somehow still managing to not fall off, while also juggling balls of fire.

    Anyhow, your writing style is awesome- very easy/fun to read- and I love the marked off bits. Reading more now! Also I’m seriously impressed about the marathon thing.

    • kmwelden says:

      Dude– thank you so much! I actually just read “Future Me is an Idiot, and I’m an Asshole,” and I related so much IT HURT.

      Also I really like your drawings. One time in college when I was super hopped up on Adderall, I thought it would be a good idea to make an entire final presentation for a Comm class solely using illustrations from “Hyperbole and a Half.” Your drawings remind me of her’s, but like, supercharged and weird. I mean that as a 100% compliment.

  3. Lollie says:

    Thank you for all of this clarification. Kat came home and said she walked while you were training, and I was like…what?!?!?!?!? Also, Rett listens to TAL while he works out too. Weirdos.

    • kmwelden says:

      When you listen to songs, it’s like… oh wow, only 32 more songs until I’m done with this dumb run. When you listen to TAL, you’re involved in a story! I knew I liked Rett.

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