August 27, 2015 by kmwelden
So. In light of that extremely judgmental last post, I felt (only a little bit) bad about being so harsh. I’m just kidding. I didn’t feel bad at all. I did, however, need more content for this blog.
And because I like you guys, and I know that you are all super non-judgmental and fun individuals, I thought we could look at mine! Won’t it be fun? It’ll be fun. Okay- it might be fun.
This is from an app called Hinge, which is like Tinder, but a little more… curated. It is basically like six degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon. It could show you potential matches that are friends of friends, or friends of friends of friends, etc., etc. I think the goal is that if a person is “within your network” to some degree, s/he probably isn’t a serial killer. I’m not sure this theory floats 100% of the time, but I digress.
So… here is what I have chosen to share about myself. An absence of guns, whisky, coffee, and beer, but I did choose some weirdo little tidbits. To that note, this is not my profile picture, but it is a nice picture of me in my mother’s classroom singing songs with children. Let’s dive in.
Media. Because media is a cool way to say that you’re into television. Which- let’s be clear- I am extremely into. But also, like, people who say “media” in general are also those pretentious sort of people who listen to podcasts and read the news. I like those people.
NASA. Because space is cool, and if you don’t like space…. what kind of person are you? Also because when people (aka the surprising amount of people who also list NASA has an interest) ask about this one, I can truthfully say that when I worked at a middle school, I was head of the NASA club. The “club” included only two girls, but who am I to say that doesn’t count? They won an award. It was cool.
Little kids. Only because if I was a guy who listed this as an interest, I would probably be kicked out of the app. Double standards, for the win. Just doing my part to reinforce the status quo. It subtly says, “If on the very off chance we ever decided to meet up, I wouldn’t even offer to pay.”
, &. The oxford comma and the ampersand. Crucial. No one should ever date anyone who disagrees with the use of an oxford comma, and every worthwhile list (or run on sentence!) includes an ampersand.
Pizza. To be honest, this is a very common interest for dudes to list. I could have included it on the initial list, but then I would look like a hypocrite (again!). However, pizza is a very important part of me, and I would gladly impress anyone with my vast knowledge of Denver’s pizzerias. You’re welcome, future Hinge matches.
PS– my sister (very) briefly had a Tinder, and she let me write her profile. Her info was the quintessential Jay Z lyric, “From bricks to Billboards; from grams to Grammys.” She had to ask me what it meant, but I think her match rate improved at least 500%. Moral: everybody loves Jay.